So it will have come as no surprise to anyone in receipt of similar experiences to hear of the recent research by Harvard sociologists revealing that – dun-dun-duuun! – beautiful people tend to have shorter relationships and get divorced more often than us mere mortals.

It’s not rocket science, is it? People who are so gorgeous that other people throw themselves across traffic to get to them have more opportunities to upgrade their partners and so... do.

But it is fascinating to think of how different our lives could have been if our double helix had bolted itself together to the very slightest different effect. I remain convinced that all my problems would be solved if I were four inches taller – 5ft 6 instead of 5ft 2. I could dress properly. I would be confident. I would be visible to bar people. If I didn’t have the world’s greatest Resting Bitch Face, I would have more friends. If I had dramatic hair, I would have become an actress. If I had decent-sized boobs, I would have had more sex. And more unwanted advances, but I think my Resting Bitch Face would have pre-emptively struck against most of them. If I didn’t have cellulite, the mental energy not spent agonising over this fact would undoubtedly have allowed me to become the UK’s Sheryl Sandberg by now.

“Erase the ugly voices in your head”: Lucy Mangan on why feeling beautiful starts with your thoughts