In some countries you can actually take ‘menstrual leave’ (China, for example, which has just extended its policy into another of its provinces). And the possibility is beginning to be discussed in the UK. What a mark of civilisation it would be! Imagine: “I’m so sorry, I can’t come in today. My goddamn uterus has me in agony.” “I’m sorry to hear that. Get well soon!” End of.

But of course, that’s not how it would go. Your boss would not hear the simple truth that one of your organs was temporarily malfunctioning and this biological breakdown needed to be accommodated as would a flu virus or migraine. He (or she, because cretinous boss-dom does not divide strictly down gender lines) would hear: “I’m making a fuss about an entirely normal process! I am swinging the womb-lead!” at best. At worst, he/she would hear: “I am a woman and therefore naturally unreliable, unhealthy and fundamentally incapable of coping with professional life, forever requiring special treatment and consideration, likely to collapse and bleed to death all over the office floor and altogether more trouble than I’m worth. Men never do this. Men are robots who work at 100% efficiency, 24/7. No hangovers. No colds, flu, broken limbs, anything, ever. I’ll just stand at the back of the queue for promotion and the head of the one marked ‘Next for the chop’ then?

Instituting any workplace policy that only affects women is hard. Instituting one that is actually centred on what the most yucky, womanly bit of them does is even harder. But, as with so many things, I find it gets a lot simpler if you just start thinking of women as – get this! – people. Some people suffer from occasional or regular incapacitating pain. Here, they are all women, yes, and the pain is caused by periods – so what? If it was only men who had to use wheelchairs, would we object to putting ramps in places? If a man had a tendency to get a recurring twisted testicle (it is a thing and I’m told it is very painful) would we deny him a day off each time it needed untwisting just because he has a troublesome ball? Period pain is a debilitating condition that affects some people and not others. Go from there. Simple.

Until this tectonic mental shift takes place, of course, I’m afraid you’ll just have to keep taking the tablets.

“Sorry, I’m on menstrual leave” Lucy Mangan on why we need time off for periods