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Apparently Prince Harry’s hair loss is Meghan’s fault, too

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Hannah-Rose Yee
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The media wants to add this to the long list of things that Meghan is responsible for, but fans aren’t having it.     

It must be a slow news day over at The Express.

That’s the only reason we can think of for their latest yarn about Prince Harry and Meghan Markle, in which the publication claims that Harry’s rapidly receding hairline could be blamed on being married to Meghan.

“Harry’s hair seems to have got a lot thinner since he tied the knot with Meghan Markle in May last year,” the story reads. “Can the hair loss be blamed on his marriage?” 

Ah yes, that old chestnut. We forgot that literally everything bad in the world, from drought and devastation in Mexico as a result of the over-farming of avocados to the downturn in British retail profits is because of the actions of one person and one person alone: Meghan Markle.

Harry is losing his hair, and it’s all Meghan’s fault

When in doubt, blame Meghan. Lost your car keys? It’s Meghan’s fault! Because she has dominated the news cycle and your brain doesn’t have the capacity to store any other information any more. Morning takeaway coffee lacklustre? Blame Meghan! There’s gotta be a link between Meghan’s love of tea and the inability of baristas to make a good brew. Had a friend cancel on a boozy dinner? This, again, is thanks to Meghan, because her decision to end communication with her odious half-sister must be inspiring everyone to cut ties with the Samantha Markles taking up space in their own life. 

At this point, is there anything we can’t blame Meghan for? The answer, truly, is no. 

Meghan Markle has become the media’s most cherished scapegoat. They’ll pin anything on her. Even her husband’s hair loss, despite the fact that he, canonically, comes from a family of balding men and that he, quite frankly, has been lucky to make it this far with any hair at all.

Happily, social media users aren’t going to let Meghan take the fall for this latest grievance.  

“If Prince Harry’s hair loss is Meghan’s fault, what’s William’s excuse?” one person wrote.  Another added: “His grandmother and grandfather are cousins but of course it’s Meghan Markle making him bald at 34.” 

“Well both boys have daddy’s hereditary hair loss gene,” another tweeted. “The odds were against them long before Meghan came along. I hope they kept the receipt for this reach because we sending the s**t back.” 

It will shock you to no end, I’m sure, to learn that Kate Middleton was never blamed for sending William’s luscious golden locks to an early grave.

Not only is Kate not the cause of William’s baldness, she is also allowed to playfully and fondly poke fun at his hair loss in public. According to reports, Kate calls William by two nicknames, the first of which is “baldy”. (The second is “Big Willy”, and the less said about that the better.) 

Let’s be honest. This kind of discourse is racist.

If someone is blaming Meghan for touching her pregnant stomach, or wearing dark nail polish, or a bra, or eating an avocado, or having staff who insist on exercising their legal right to resign from their position, or having knees, then think about whether or not they would have a problem with Kate or any other member of the royal family doing or having or being the same.

We know we’re beginning to sound like a broken record on this subject, but we’re going to keep making this point until we no longer have to. 

If someone is blaming Meghan for a genetic trait that runs through every man in Harry’s family, then we think it says more about them than it does about Meghan. 

And we checked with the NHS, by the way, for causes of baldness. Genetics is a big one, as is illness, stress, weight loss, iron deficiency and cancer treatment. 

Do you know what isn’t noted by the NHS as a cause of baldness? Meghan Markle. 

Images: Getty

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Hannah-Rose Yee

Hannah-Rose Yee is a writer, podcaster and recent Australian transplant in London. You can find her on the internet talking about pop culture, food and travel.

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