The online response to the Duchess of Sussex’s so-called “wardrobe malfunction” suggests we’re well on our way to a real-life Gilead.
Meghan Markle – now formally known as the Duchess of Sussex – joined her husband, Prince Harry, in attending a wedding on Saturday 4 August. And, as ever, all eyes were on her outfit – which makes sense, considering the Duchess of Sussex was recently named one of the world’s most influential style stars.
As you can see in the photos below, Meghan opted to wear a black, blue, and white Club Monaco dress, Aquazzura shoes, and a Philip Treacy hat. It was a simple, stylish ensemble – one which perfectly adhered to the ridiculous rules surrounding “wedding-appropriate” fashion.
Well, as Meghan waved to fans, the top portion of her dress parted just the tiniest bit, for just the tiniest moment. And, in a world where the former Suits star can’t even sit on a bloody chair without sparking a worldwide scandal, this was more than enough to generate fear among the masses.
Why? Because Meghan had committed that greatest of all female sins: she was wearing a bra (ironically, the second greatest of all female sins is not wearing a bra. Go figure, huh?). Worse still, a few zoom-happy trolls had spotted a whole three square inches of it – and were more than happy to use it as an excuse to damn her entire character.
“Did she deliberately flaunt her bra for the camera?” wrote one incensed social media troll (which, judging by its vernacular, is a huge fan of the Daily Mail).
“Meghan stole the show with her deliberate wardrobe malfunction.”
Yes, the troll really said “flaunt”. Yes, it really thinks Meghan knowingly and deliberately exposed her underwear to the masses. And, yes, it really does categorise a glimpse of bra as a “wardrobe malfunction” (which basically means that I suffer from one every damn day).
Of course, it’s all too easy to dismiss this comment as a one-off. After all, I know that there are always handwringers on Twitter, ready and willing to lose their s**t over pretty much anything. I get that.
But this troll wasn’t the only one to crawl out from the darkness when it heard Meghan trip-tapping over its bridge. And, unfortunately, it seems a number of these newly-awakened trolls actually work in the media.
That’s right: some outraged idiots decided to pen whole articles about Meghan’s bra and what it means for society as a whole. The general gist? That, while nobody was hurt this time, we came very close to the downfall of our civilisation as we know it, and women who wear bras ought to be more bloody careful.
While we’ve no doubt that misogynists everywhere would prefer women to don the shapeless, anonymous red robes worn by Elisabeth Moss’ character in The Handmaid’s Tale, we aren’t in Gilead just yet. Indeed, despite what sexist tabloid headlines would have you believe, women in the UK are currently still free to dress up however the bloody hell we damn please (remember the holy triumvirate: our bodies, our boobs, our prerogative).
So, without further ado, here’s a message for anyone and everyone who has a problem with Meghan’s outfit: women wear bras, and sometimes they’re visible through our shirts. It’s high time you collectively get the f**k over it.
And to all those who disagree with me? Just remember that, while it might not seem like a big deal to criticise a woman for dressing “sluttily” at a wedding, your words have more power than you realise. Because, just as one small grain of rice can tip the scale, one flyaway comment about a stranger’s outfit can have deeply, deeply troubling repercussions for womankind.
May the Lord not open that can of worms anytime soon.