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Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher respond to divorce reports in spectacular fashion

Posted by
Kayleigh Dray
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LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA - JANUARY 29: Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis attend a basketball game between the Los Angeles Lakers and the Philadelphia 76ers at Staples Center on January 29, 2019 in Los Angeles, California. (Photo by Allen Berezovsky/Getty Images)

Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher’s marriage is over, according to lazy tabloid journalists. Too bad nobody told the couple in question…

Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher are usually incredibly private about their personal lives and their family. As such, this means that certain factions of the media (you know, the kind who thrive on scandal and baseless rumours) are often forced to… well, to make things up about the couple, in order to shift copies of their magazines and papers.

So what’s the latest so-called “scoop” on Kunis and Kutcher? Well, according to one tabloid, the couple – who have been married for four years and share two children – are getting a divorce.

Rather than pen a lengthy statement denying the claims, though, Kunis and Kutcher decided to have a little fun at the expense of the tabloid in question.

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Taking to Instagram, the couple shared a video of them sat in a car together and reading the report.

In it, we see Kunis mischievously holding a screenshot of the magazine – which had been sent to her by a friend – up to the camera.

Kutcher, looking directly down the lens, then furrows his brow in concern and asks: “Babe, what’s happening? What’s going on?”

“It’s over between us,” she responds.

Kutcher, playing along, accepts their fate with just the right amount of mock despair.

“Oh my god, what are we gonna do?” he asks.

“I felt suffocated,” Kunis reads from the magazine, ignoring him.

“You felt suffocated by me?” he responds. “Oh, I was just so overbearing, wasn’t I?”

As if that wasn’t enough bad news to take in, Kutcher is left utterly, utterly floored when Kunis informs him that she “took the kids”.

“Oh, you took the kids?” he says, clearly exasperated that he doesn’t remember such a major event playing out. “I don’t get the kids anymore?”

“Well, you had a very dark secret exposed,” she counters.

A baffled Kutcher asks: “Oh my gosh, what was the dark secret?”

Kunis, though, admits that she’s as unsure about all of this as he is.

“I don’t know,” she says, “I only have this photo.”

While the video is all fun and games, Kutcher made sure to name and shame the publication in question in his Instagram caption.

“I guess it’s over,” he wrote. “In Touch Weekly, have fun selling magazines this week.”

Then, poking fun at the countless other tabloids who have published false stories about the couple in the past, he added: “Maybe next week my wife will be having twins. For the third time. But who’s counting?”

Kunis and Kutcher are far from the first celebrities to be subjected to baseless divorce rumours, and we doubt they will be the last. Earlier this year, Sarah Jessica Parker took to Instagram to share an email from the National Enquirer requesting comment on the state of her marriage.

Why? because they had an alleged eyewitness account claiming Parker and Broderick got into a “screaming match… just days before their 22nd wedding anniversary.”

“Hey, National Enquirer and your sister publications, why not celebrate a marriage of 22 years and relationship of 27 years?” she wrote, adding that “there was no ‘screaming match’ as alleged in a restaurant or on the street, nor was there a confrontation as alleged about his time in London.”

SJP continued: “Despite your endless harassment and wasted ink, we are nearing three decades of love, commitment, respect, family and home.

“There’s your ‘scoop’ From a ‘reliable source.’ #tabloidharassment”

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Fearne Cotton and Jesse Wood, likewise, saw several interview comments taken out of context and run alongside a false divorce report in The Sun.

FEARNE COTTON ADMITS HUSBAND JESSE WOOD DRIVES HER ‘MENTAL’ AT HOME AFTER MARRIAGE WOES,” screamed the headline.

Without referring to the publication by name, Cotton shared a photo of herself and Wood flipping the bird at the camera, their wedding rings clearly visible.

She captioned the shot: “To all the lazy journalists out there still writing misinformed articles about our marriage by truncating and conflating information. Never.been.happier.”

It’s a firm reminder that, no matter what we may read in the tabloids, we know very little about what goes on behind closed doors.

Of course, many people may feel they know e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g about Kunis and Kutcher, because the pair first met on the set of That ’70s Show in 1998, when Kunis was only 14.

As the pair played a steamy, make-out-happy couple, many viewers may feel as if they have watched the relationship develop from the get-go. However, as Kunis has pointed out herself, That ‘70s Show was strictly fictional. In fact, their real-life relationship was strictly platonic at this time.

“Yep, in the show [we kissed], with no feelings whatsoever,” Kunis said on Marc Maron’s WTF podcast. “It’s the weirdest story that nobody believes, but it’s the God’s honest truth. There was nothing there, and it was like … whatever.”

It wasn’t until much later – after Kutcher’s marriage to Demi Moore, and Kunis’ long-term relationship with Macaulay Culkin – that they moved from friends to friends-with-benefits.

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“We never dated,” Kunis said. “Let me be clear, Ash and I hooked up. Literally, I did a movie called Friends With Benefits. He did a movie that was very similar, No Strings Attached. We lived our movies out.”

Just like the characters both played, they soon began developing feelings for each other.

“I walked up to him, and I was like, ‘You know what? I actually care about you, and I don’t want to mess anything up, so I’m just going to walk away before it becomes too much,’” she recalled. “And he was like, ‘Got it.’”

Kutcher, though, wasn’t prepared to let her go.

“The next day, he showed up to my house, and he was like, ‘Move in with me,’” she said.

The rest, as they say, is history.

In 2017, Kutcher paid tribute to Kunis when he accepted the prestigious Robert D. Ray Pillar of Character Award.

“It’s not whether you win or lose, it’s how you learn from the mistakes that you make and how you perceive the world that’s coming at you,” he said. “Because life doesn’t happen to you, it happens for you. Every single time. And as long as you have love and kindness and optimism and a pursuit of something greater in your heart, you’re the lucky one. So this award is for you. It is for my family, it’s for all four of my parents, it’s for my wife, who kicks my ass on character every day.”

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Kutcher continued: “I’m telling you, this morning, I woke up and [Kunis] kicked my ass on character.

“I thought I was awesome because I got up early and helped with the kids before she woke up and I let her sleep a little bit and then she’s like, ‘Well, now you’re gonna act tired? I do it every day.’

“But it was a character moment, right? Because she’s right.”

Image: Getty

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Kayleigh Dray

Kayleigh Dray is editor of Stylist.co.uk, where she chases after rogue apostrophes and specialises in films, comic books, feminism and television. On a weekend, you can usually find her drinking copious amounts of tea and playing boardgames with her friends. 

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