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Nicki Minaj wants to change the way we talk about women in abusive relationships

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Lauren Geall
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Nicki Minaj on the red carpet at the 2019 met gala

Nicki Minaj took to Twitter to share her experience in an abusive relationship, and asked her fans to “root for” women who find themselves in a similar situation.

Nicki Minaj has opened up about her relationship history for a very important reason.

The rapper, singer and songwriter took to Twitter to open a conversation about abusive and toxic relationships, bringing her own experiences into the thread to illustrate the issue.

In a series of five tweets Minaj appealed to her fans to resist judgement when they see women in toxic situations, asking them to offer advice and support instead of get frustrated at their choices.

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“When you see a woman in a toxic relationship, rather than laugh and say mean things, try to offer sound advice from your heart and root for her to learn her worth,” Minaj begins. “We’ve all been there. I saw my parents fight and argue non-stop and never divorce, so I thought this was normal behaviour…”

Minaj then went on to detail the types of behaviours which often occur in abusive or toxic relationships. Beginning with the header “A man who loves you does not,” the list included someone humiliating their partner on social media, beating them and deceiving them by hiding their whereabouts. 

Minaj then made the decision to open up about her past, explaining how it is “not easy to leave” such an abusive relationship, and how she has been able to change since she made the decision to leave the toxic situation behind her.

“I really used to think love had to hurt. So I could never look down on anyone else,” Minaj writes. “We are merely human. It’s not easy to leave. Especially in the world of Instagram where all people want to do is post relationship goal pictures for clout and attention.”

She continues: “I remember being so afraid to speak because I never knew when that person would be in a particular mood and I could maybe say one wrong thing that would get me hit. So the difference you see in me now is that feeling when a woman feels lifted up, safe, appreciated and unconditionally loved.”

Ending the thread on a positive note, Minaj advised her fans on how best they could support friends and family members who find themselves in toxic or abusive relationships.

Nicki Minaj on the pink carpet
Nicki Minaj: “I first had to learn how to love myself.”

“I first had to learn how to love myself,” Minaj writes of her journey. “If you wouldn’t let a man treat your mother, your sister or best friend like that because you LOVE them, then you wouldn’t let a man treat YOU like that because you love YOU.

“This isn’t about judging. We judge too much. Lift them up.”

It can be difficult for many people trapped in toxic and abusive relationships to spot the warning signs.

These can include (but are not limited to) the following:

  • Your partner constantly criticises, humiliates or belittles you
  • Your partner checks up on you or follows you
  • Your partner tries to keep you from seeing your friends or family
  • Your partner has prevented you or made it hard for you to continue studying or going to work
  • Your partner unjustly accuses you of flirting or having affairs with others
  • Your partner has forced you to do something that you really did not want to do
  • Your partner has deliberately destroyed any of your possessions
  • You have changed your behaviour because you are afraid of what your partner might do or say to you
  • Your partner controls your finances
  • Your partner talks down to you
  • Your partner has strong opinions on what you should wear and your appearance
  • Your partner has tried to prevent you from leaving your house
  • Your partner has forced you or harassed you into performing a sexual act
  • Your partner has threatened to reveal or publish private information
  • Your partner threatens to hurt him or herself if you leave them
  • Your partner witholds medication from you
  • Your partner makes you feel guilty all the time
  • Your partner blames you for their bad moods and outbursts
  • You are afraid of your partner

Visit womensaid.org.uk or call 0808 2000 247 for more information about coercive control, domestic abuse, and the help available for those affected.

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Lauren Geall

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