Ruby Rose has always made a point of being open about having suffered from depression, saying, “I can’t take the good part of the job without telling people who I actually am.”
And, as she geared up this weekend to be honoured at the 27th Annual GLAAD Media Awards, the model-actress had a timely reminder of just how far she's come in the three years since hitting “rock bottom” and posting a painfully honest message online.
In 2013, ahead of seeking treatment in a rehab centre, Rose wrote on Twitter: “It is with great sadness that despite everything I have tried in the short time I was given I am still losing my battle with depression.”
But rereading the message this weekend prompted the star to pen an uplifting missive to anyone affected by similar issues, writing, “We ALL deserve to be here. You are worthy.”
Rose, 30, followed up with a lengthy caption on Instagram describing it as a wake-up call: “I'd be lying if I didn't say it shook me up.. to see it.. To be reminded..
“This feeling, this moment.. When I posted this in relation to abruptly leaving Australia cancelling a string of shows and commitments.. I had hit a rock bottom.. I couldn't find happiness anywhere except my dogs face and even that wasn't enough.
“I thought I had failed at being a human being an adult.
“I didn't know what to do so I left for America to work with trauma therapists and I spent pretty much all the money I had made in my life on an overpriced rehab and a lot of therapy. (There are definitely other ways to do it) ... I slept on a blow up mattress when I got my first apartment in Santa Monica, I adopted a dog before I furnished my place .. My dog, Ru, had a bed before me...
“I don't want to ramble on, I'm just feeling reflective because I chose to fight and I thought it meant I'd be able to live. I DIDNT think it meant I'd be able to live my dream. I DIDNT think it would result in this extraordinary life I get to be a part of now... It just makes me wonder how many others are days, hours, seconds away from realizing their worth.. Their potential.. And once the dark cloud is lifted will be truly happy and free.. #wealldeservetobehere #wealldeservetobehappy”
Rose has previously spoken about feeling suicidal during childhood and coming to terms with her sexuality and gender. She was bullied after coming after coming out as gay aged 12, and revealed in one interview she'd been abused: “I was getting suicidal thoughts when I shouldn’t have even known what suicide was at that age […] My past involved incestuous sexual abuse – and a turbulent home life which was not always safe.”
The star now identifies as gender fluid, preferring female pronouns, but in 2014, she discussed how exploring her style led to violent confrontation, telling The Guardian: “In my teens, I tried to be quite feminine. My mum was pushing me to do some modeling – everyone said I was a very pretty girl. And then one day it just got too much. I shaved my head and just went ‘Fuck you’ to everyone who thought I need to look a certain way. And I got bullied after that. I found myself in really dangerous situations, where, if a guy said something to me like, ‘What are you? You're a girl but you're trying to be a boy,’ or ‘Look at you, you're disgusting’ […] if I talked back, a few times I got hit by guys. They'd say, ‘I would never hit a girl, but you're not a girl’.”
Accepting GLAAD's Stephen F. Kolzak Award, she referred to wanting to be famous to inspire other children who might be struggling to “hang in there”.
“It's so interesting to receive an award for visibility because for such a large part of my life, I just wanted to be invisible […] I dreamt of being a famous singer or an actor who, through my work, could inspire others to be themselves or hang in there. I had no idea how I dreamt so big when I felt so small, but I know it got me through each day. I wanted to be the person I couldn't find in my life.”
She later wrote on Instagram: “Tonight was EVERYTHING... Thank you @taylorswift thank you @glaad thank you to everyone who came out to be part of an amazing night. I feel truly blessed and humbled. I'm going to go cry and hold my pillow like a teddy now because I feel like I'm dreaming.”
Images: @rubyrose / Rex Features