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Why Pink’s revelation about her relationship with Carey Hart is so important

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Kayleigh Dray
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HOLLYWOOD, CALIFORNIA - FEBRUARY 05: Pink and Carey Hart pose as Pink is honored with a star on The Hollywood Walk Of Fame on February 05, 2019 in Hollywood, California. (Photo by Steve Granitz/WireImage)

Pink and husband Carey Hart have been in counselling for 17 years.

From Just Like A Pill and Sober, to F**kin’ Perfect and So What, there’s no denying that we’ve all raised a glass to Pink’s powerhouse vocals at some point in our lives.

More importantly, though, we’ve long admired how she’s made it her business to defy societal norms, gender stereotypes and beauty expectations. So it should come as little surprise to learn that, in a bid to smash taboos, Pink has made a point of being honest about her and Carey Hart’s seemingly “perfect” marriage and the struggle that comes with maintaining it.

“Carey and I have been in couple’s counselling almost our entire 17 years we’ve been together,” the singer told Carson Daly during a recent episode of TODAY. “It’s the only reason we’re still together.”

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Keen to learn more, Daly asked Pink – real name Alecia Beth Moore – why she and her husband had decided to turn to a professional for help.

Noting that both she and Hart grew up in “broken families”, Pink explained that the pair of them needed help in pursuing (and maintaining) healthy relationships in adulthood.

“He speaks Polish, I speak Italian and she [our therapist] speaks both. We do not speak the same language,” she said. “We come from broken families and we had no model of how are we supposed to keep this family together and live this crazy life? And there’s no model. There’s no book that says, ‘Here’s how to do this.’ So we go to counselling and it works.”

Pink added: “I’m hopeful that the taboo of it is going away because more and more people are talking about it,” she said. “I think talking about it is the most important thing.”

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Pink and Hart separated in 2008, but reconciled the following year. Since then, they’ve been rock solid – and, this January, Hart posted a picture of the two of them on Instagram in which he paid tribute to his wife on their 13-year anniversary.

“Who would have thought two misfits like us could pull it off!!!” he wrote in the Instagram caption.

“I’m very grateful for you, baby. We have created an amazing life and family together.”

It sadly comes as little surprise to learn that those of us who grow up in – to use Pink’s terminology – ‘broken homes’ are more likely to struggle in maintaining a healthy relationship as adults.

Indeed, Linda Nielsen, a professor of psychology at Wake Forest University and an expert in father-daughter relationships, previously explained that “women who grow up with meaningful, comfortable, conversational relationships with their dads make better choices in who they date, sleep with, and marry”.

She added that, sadly, the opposite is also true – particularly for women pursuing a heterosexual relationship.

“If you go into a grocery store when you’re hungry, you’ll come out with junk food,” said Nielsen. “You just grab whatever’s on the shelf that makes you feel good right now. When women don’t grow up affirmed and acknowledged by their fathers, they’re like hungry shoppers. They generally make bad choices.

“If you had a father who’s cold and distant, you don’t know how to relate to men in another way. You pick men who are cold and distant, because that’s what you’re used to.”

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So how do we break the cycle? Well, just like Pink, psychologists advise that we “seek the support of a qualified professional to help heal your childhood relational wounds”.

“This will help you stop turning your adult romantic partners into replacement parents, and you can start to enjoy your love life,” adds Shirani M. Pathak, licensed psychotherapist and relationship coach.

If you’re keen to see if couples counselling can work for you, we recommend trying Relate, who offer face-to-face counselling in their centres all around the UK, as well as counselling services via telephone, webcam and other online options.

You can book a counselling session at your local Relate Centre here or, alternatively, you can try a free Live Chat session with a trained Relate Counsellor first, to see if it works for you.

Image: Getty

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Kayleigh Dray

Kayleigh Dray is Stylist’s digital editor-at-large. Her specialist topics include comic books, films, TV and feminism. On a weekend, you can usually find her drinking copious amounts of tea and playing boardgames with her friends.

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