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Poldark to ride topless through the streets of London for inaugural ‘Raw Man’ festival

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Anna Brech
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Poldark - aka Aidan Turner - is expected to ride topless through the streets of London, in Britain's inaugural 'Raw Man' festival on the May 4 Bank Holiday this year.

In news that will delight fans of the hit BBC show, TV's latest period drama pin-up has been chosen to spearhead the event, organised by fringe group Brawny Guys Unite.

"We want to celebrate raw, swashbuckling manhood as it used to be," said the group's spokesperson Gary Mowbry. 

"These days, we all know about the 'modern man' with his partiality to skincare products and organic yogurt. But the traditional sense of man with his leathery multitude of manual skills has been eroded. 

"We're very excited to have been given the go-ahead to Britain's first-ever Raw Man festival and we think Poldark would be the perfect poster boy to eulogise masculinity in its raw, unadulterated form," he added. 

Poldark

Poldark's people are understood to have given their backing to the stunt. The actor will draw on his extensive training to ride shirtless atop a stallion on a "lap of honour" leading from Buckingham Palace to Oxford Street. 

He will be accompanied by a band playing traditional Cornish pan pipe tunes.

When the parade reaches Hyde Park, organisers hope to involve another iconic period drama actor.

"For our piece de resistance, we're approaching Mr. Darcy [Colin Firth]," explains Mowbry. "We're hoping he'll be up for reenacting his famous Pride and Prejudice scene by emerging soggily from the Serpentine.

"At this point, the music would change from traditional to something modern and sexy, like Mr. Bombastic, in honour of the moment."

Hyde Park's Serpentine lake has previously hosted a giant sculpture of Mr. Darcy, so it's thought the Oscar-winning actor would be happy to take things one step further by getting involved himself.

Colin Firth has been approached for the event

Colin Firth has been approached for the event

The event has sparked considerable enthusiasm among Britain's notable "Alpha Male" personalities. Bear Grylls has thought to have volunteered for some sort of cameo role, and the recently unemployed Jeremy Clarkson has also expressed an interest in taking part. 

"We're delighted so many luminaries of manhood have got on-board with the campaign," says Mowbry. "This is going to be ode to virile manfulness like no other."

He noted that the organisers have a number of logistical difficulties to overcome, including how to keep their lead men warm in the unpredictable British weather.

"Aidan Turner has said he uses baby oil on his torso, so we're hoping this will guard against the chill," he said. "And we'll have plenty of towels on-hand when Darcy surfaces from the lake."

In an unusual move for the notoriously cautious body, London City Hall has given the go-ahead for the event.

"I'm truly thrilled that London is hosting the world's first fete to manhood," says mayor Boris Johnson. "I only wish I was young enough to bare my chest among this impressive line-up of chaps."

However, unnamed officials have voiced their doubts over the chaos the fiesta will inevitably trigger. "This will cause traffic congestion on an unprecented scale - and on Bank Holiday too," said one. "You wouldn't get women riding topless through the streets of London, so why do men get the right?"

See more about the event here.  

Update: April Fool's Day friends! We hope you enjoyed our (sadly) entirely fictional story and check out more (happily) completely true ones below!

Photos: BBC, Words: Anna Brech

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Anna Brech

Anna Brech is a freelance journalist and former editor for stylist.co.uk. Her six-year stint on the site saw her develop a vociferous appetite for live Analytics, feminist opinion and good-quality gin in roughly equal measure. She enjoys writing across all areas of women’s lifestyle content but has a soft spot for books and escapist travel content.

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