Raised as a Tibetan Buddhist in India, Tenzin Metok Sither, 27, now works as a banking regulator in London and has a rather strict friendship policy.

A few weeks ago, I invited my husband’s friends, Alex and Susan, for lunch. Susan cancelled as her brother had arrived in the country. However, her husband did attend. I asked her if they had another free day so I could make food for them. We agreed on a date and I invited a few more friends so that I could make cakes for that afternoon. I even negotiated a friend’s birthday so that it would not clash on that day. A week before we were due to meet, Alex asked if he could ‘swap’ our lunch with our other friend’s birthday.

My Buddhist feelings of compassion and tolerance evaporated. I wanted to write back that it wasn’t so much a swap as a cancellation and that I had invited other people around the date they agreed. However, my capitalist mind searched for the most diplomatic response that would still maintain the friendship whilst remembering to put them in the ‘people I cant be bothered to make more effort for’ list. I replied curtly; “See you Saturday.”

When I first arrived in this country, I spent a lot of time and energy organising friends gatherings. Being a Buddhist invariably involves showing compassion like a fountain. I couldn’t help but wonder: How many chances can you give someone when you realise they are not interested and/or you don’t have to make any more effort?

I now have a three strike rule (well sometimes its two strikes if its an invitation when I cook at my home because I don’t offer this to everyone), if I invite someone for dinner and they cancel three times, I never make any more effort with them again. EVER.

I didn’t realise that my rule was so harsh when I met up with another friend who had been put in that very list. She said her husband and her had felt so bad about not being able to attend the last three times and that they had appreciated that I had initiated the invitations. In that case, I reinstate those people in the ‘you are back in my good books’ group.

The 3 strikes rule