My grandmother is my feminist icon, as I recently did an episode of Who Do You Think You Are and I learned so much more about her than I ever had before. I loved her, she was one of my best friends. She died when I was in my early teens and the loss of her honestly affected my whole life.

So, on the show, I asked about her – and found out that, despite juggling motherhood and work in poverty-stricken times during the war and post-war in Australia, she somehow managed to retain this strong sense of self. She was so strong, and she had this secret affair, this secret relationship, which nobody ever knew about.

I think everybody needs to make space for themselves, but specifically women and specifically mothers. It is a position which demands that you be quite selfless because inherently you just have to take care of other people for a significant length of time (some might say forever!). But my grandmother refused, and carved out this space for herself, gave herself time to take care of herself, and none of us knew it until years after she was dead. It was kind of shocking and amazing – so much was expected of her and demanded of her, and I truly respect that she did that for herself. It has inspired me to do the same.

My feminist icon: Toni Collette reveals why her grandmother inspires her the most