Make your Hinge prompt answers better with a sense of humour. 12 standup comedians give funny answers to Hinge's most successful prompts.

Best funny Hinge prompt answers, according to comedians

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Which Hinge prompts get the most responses?

Funny answers to Hinge prompts, courtesy of 12 comedians 

webcam on while I do Yoga with Adriene.

climb Mount Everest or finally make lasagne from scratch – either/or.

cook at home, watch Great British Menu and go through the Instagram accounts of everyone I’ve ever muted or blocked as a form of exposure therapy.

Olga Koch

instant coffee. I refuse to hide it any longer. Us granulated drinkers are forced to live in the shadows while single origin/cold brew/drips take over. Not anymore.

being trapped on a date with a man I neither fancy nor have anything in common. Sorry, I mean spiders.

the love of my life, my soulmate, the apple of my eye, my other half, the father of my children. A decent shag and a mediocre convo is also fine.

Tatty Macleod

reading a book while drinking a concerningly expensive coffee.

do a staged reading of Gregg Wallace’s ‘My Saturday’ for a paying audience.

to win Pointless (already achieved: I got three Pointless answers in the final. This IS a brag and I am a catch).

Chloe Petts 

Nando’s in any form, in any country, in any order. It doesn’t make sense how obsessed I am with it, but where else could you almost guarantee satisfaction for your belly and bank account every time?

very small dogs… I really do believe that all small things have little man syndrome and will therefore do anything to prove that they cannot be bullied. They bite your ankles and your dreams.

you spend all of your free time watching Marvel movies. I don’t think I even have a social life at this point. Thanos knows more about my life than my friends do and I’m OK with that.

Kyrah Gray

try every croissant in London. We’ll become really unbearable about it and refer to ourselves as ‘sommeliers’. People say we are insufferable, but we don’t care. We have each other… and flaky pastry.

include cooking elaborate meals for friends and family to show how much I love them, while screaming at them to ‘get out of my kitchen’.

with layers. Must be sweet, tanned, good girth. Must be laminated. Apologies, I’m talking about croissants again.

Daniel Foxx 

pretend we love to listen and laugh at each other’s jokes for the first six months then never again after.

you can make my mum like you. This is easier said than done. Sure, everyone thinks that ‘parents love them’ but they have yet to be at a Bauer family party.

give up on myself. [From my experience on the apps, most people are very keen to let you know that they are wanting to travel, learn a language or run a personal best. I think honesty is the best policy. Just let them know that you no longer are trying at anything. It is so endearing.]

Helen Bauer 

is to laugh at all my jokes and tell me I’m pretty – I’m a simple woman. Loving myself is no longer enough and I love myself WELL, sometimes even four times a day.

dying alone but wearing mismatched underwear – my mum would revive me and then kill me again if that happened. Can’t bring her shame, can I?

someone who isn’t intimidated by a funny woman and appreciates hard work. If you can take banter and understand balance can be sexy, then let’s play.

Sikisa 

Biscoff spread. I will eat it on anything. And anything with the word buttery in it. Mash potato is great, but add ‘creamy buttery mashed potato’? Yum.

three drains. WHY CAN’T I WALK ON THREE DRAINS? I have a fear of saying ‘Hamlet’. I have a fear of not saying ‘jinx’ if you both say the same word at the same time. Pathetic.

to read some actual books instead of listening to audiobooks. Then I wouldn’t need to lie every time I say: “Oh yeah, I read that.” (I’ve listened to it.)

Luke Kempner

possessing me from within.

coffee in bed, a long walk if it’s sunny, a ceremony to renounce the old gods and exorcise the demon spirits that have taken hold, meal prep and snuggling.

Ania Magliano 

make any food soaked in lemon. I love lemons. I have a lemon tree tattoo; I eat them like oranges.

people with tidy porches. They terrify me. I don’t know why they don’t have 65 plastic bags filled with mud-sodden wellies or 786 coats shoved on four coat hooks. How do they do it?

is to take up yoga, start kick boxing, run 60 marathons (win at least four of them). Oh, and I really want to stop lying.

Esther Manito

be a rice pudding with nutmeg on it. Never don’t be that same rice pudding. Stay consistent and be the consistency of rice pudding.

googling Jodie’s arms. Doesn’t matter which. Foster, Comer, Whittaker. Left, right.

Catherine Bohart

if you find everything I say not only funny but moving and occasionally profound. Feel free to interrupt me with a standing ovation or shake your head in awe, while you scribble down notes.

watching a friend oversharing on Facebook or Twitter. Friends posting a sentimental birthday update like they’ve just won ‘best actress’ is the only reason I still have apps on my phone.

the bottom of the sea – we have no business being there. There is nothing good there except sea creatures that look like the drawings of traumatised children’s night visions.

Gráinne Maguire

Stylist Daily

“My most irrational fear? Webcam on while I do Yoga With Adriene.”

How to make your Hinge prompts better? 12 stand-up comedians give funny answers to inspire you