Relationships: why not arguing with your partner isn’t always a good thing

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Lauren Geall
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We all have friends who boast about “never arguing” with their partner – but having no disagreements isn’t necessarily the good sign you might think it is.

One of the vital components of any successful relationship is being able to get along. 

It may sound obvious, but being able to work together rather than butting heads at every turn can make the challenge of navigating life side-by-side with someone a whole lot easier.

However, that doesn’t mean you need to see eye-to-eye with your partner 24/7. We all know those people who boast about never having had an argument with their partner, but the fact of the matter is that arguments are a normal part of any relationship. 

And, while they’re unpleasant in the moment, they can lead to conversations that have the potential to make your bond with your partner even stronger.  

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“Arguments can allow both parties in a relationship to reveal their values, preferences and needs,” explains Lucy Beresford, a psychotherapist, relationship expert and broadcaster. 

“Disagreements are entirely normal, as each party negotiates within a relationship what their preferences and needs are.”

While, Beresford explains, not arguing with your partner can be a sign that you’re both mature enough not to trip over small details or have a lot of compassion for each other, it can also be a sign that there are issues under the surface that aren’t being addressed.

A couple stood in overlapping circles
Disagreements allow each party to express their needs.

“Never arguing could mean that one or both of you is afraid of conflict in an unhealthy way – fearing rejection if you speak or act authentically,” she explains. 

Of course, disagreements can also be unhealthy for a relationship – it just depends on how they play out and whether or not you’re able to reach a resolution.

“Disagreements become unhealthy when they are very one-sided or are all about blaming the other person rather than stating your preferences,” Beresford points out.

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“If you find yourself going round in circles having rows about the same topic over and over again, you might want to explore what lies behind the topic, as it could mean that one or both of you is not really expressing perhaps deeper issues or resentments.” 

While it’s sometimes easier to pretend that things are OK when they’re not, Beresford’s words highlight the importance of tackling problems head-on. 

Disagreements and arguments are not the inherently bad things they’re painted out to be – and shying away from your thoughts and feelings towards your partner can make things worse in the long run.   

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Lauren Geall

As Stylist’s digital writer, Lauren Geall writes on topics including mental health, wellbeing and women’s issues. She’s also a big fan of houseplants and likes to dabble in film and TV from time-to-time. You can find her on Twitter at @laurenjanegeall.