A notification popped up with the not unwelcome news that £500 had been transferred to my bank account.

Startled, I went to see where this generous deposit of cash came from. “Love you,” the note accompanying the cash injection read. It was from my boyfriend, returning the money (and then some) I’d transferred him for paying for stuff on holiday. He felt bad that I had recently lost my job and was worried I wouldn’t be able to make rent the following month. While he’s not affluent himself, he wanted to save me from dipping into my savings to fund my life while I figured out my next career move. I swiftly returned the money (though it would have been really, really nice to keep it).

Now, having returned from the pre-booked holiday that proved to be more expensive than I’d anticipated, and without a full-time job, I find myself not only navigating my own finances but also a relationship where one of us isn’t working.

Losing a job can feel like having the rug pulled from beneath you. It can leave you feeling insecure, disheartened and down in the dumps. And this drastic change in behaviour can impact your relationship. Recently, I rewatched Love Life (season 1 with Anna Kendrick), where Darby’s husband, Magnus, suddenly loses his job, changing his demeanour entirely. He becomes aloof, rude and nonchalant with Darby’s money (splashing $300 on a bottle of champagne). This change signals the beginning of the end of their relationship. When we live in a world where our work dictates so much of who we are, losing our profession can feel like an undoing of ourselves. And that can make or break relationships.

How to navigate a relationship when one person loses their job