Struggling with emotional intimacy does not automatically mean a relationship is doomed, although Kivits tells us it is more “likely to fail because the lack of connection may be unsustainable and unfulfilling for their partner, especially when there is a mismatch between the depth of intimacy that each partner is satisfied with”. What’s key is recognising these existing patterns in yourself and doing the work required to change them.

“Individuals who recognise that they’re emotionally unavailable can also have therapy or engage in self-help to address this problem,” Kivits recommends. “It’s worth noting that since emotionally unavailable people are avoidant, it can be really hard for them to accept that they need to change. They need to see the benefits for themselves and recognise that if they don’t address their emotional unavailability, their patterns in relationships are likely to repeat. They may find it really tough to work on themselves, since this requires a level of vulnerability and introspection that they’d mostly rather avoid.

“However, we can all choose to change if we want to. It may take time and effort and we may need to persevere.”

6 signs that you might be an emotionally unavailable person