Relationships

Dating: 5 women share the one question they are tired of being asked

Posted by
Leah Sinclair
Published
backgroundLayer 1
Add this article to your list of favourites
collage of three women

Navigating the dating world in 2021 can be pretty difficult – and being asked these questions make it even harder.

Dating in 2021 is nothing like how they portray it in the movies. Now, many of us can differentiate fantasy from reality, but the disparity between the two is so large that the reality of dating today can be underwhelming, to say the least.

While lots of us have daydreamed about a go-to dating romcom moment, like awkwardly running into the love of your life in the street and instantly locking eyes or finally realising your best friend of 10 years is the one you’re meant to be with – those situations are pretty few and far between in real life and we’re often relegated to the world of dating apps and being asked the same questions over and over and over again.

We all know that conversation is a key part of dating and it’s important to ask questions in order to gauge similar beliefs, attitudes and commonalities in order to get to know one another on a deeper level.

You may also like

Dating: how to navigate the pressure of ‘cuffing season’ as a single woman

But some questions that are frequently asked during this ever-evolving dating game can range from the most bizarre to shockingly disrespectful – so much so that many women are asked questions that are such automatic red flags that they’re ready to up and leave the dating scene altogether.

In a bid to drill down on what questions really shouldn’t be asked, Stylist spoke to five women who revealed the question they dislike being asked on a date and why. 

“Why is a girl like you single?”

a profile photo of a woman sitting on steps outside
Dating in 2021: Annie Ihonor

One question I can’t stand being asked is: Why is a girl like yourself still single? I hate this because there’s an assumption that it’s not by choice that I am single, but rather just bad luck or that there is a sad story behind it.

I could be single because I want to be, or because I just got out of a long-term relationship, or because I am very selective.

It annoys me because no one is ever asked “Why are you in a relationship?” and if we are going to ask one, then why not ask the other? Being asked why you’re single creates a feeling of shame and awkwardness around the fact that I am still single and I begin to wonder why that is.

Annie Ihonor, 26, London

“What’s your favourite position?”

a girl sitting on a boat with the sunset behind ehr
Dating in 2021: Suvanya Niranjan

If we’re in the early stages of dating, being asked anything too sexual like “What’s your favourite position” is a turn-off. Any freaky questions at that stage would make me feel like they are getting sexual too fast and it would make me question how much they really want to get to know me for who I am.

Suvanya Niranjan, 28, London

“Why is your English so good?”

a photo of a woman standing outside a shop
Dating in 2021: Zoey Phoon

Since I’m an international student, I always get asked “why is your English so good?” on a date and it’s honestly quite baffling. The assumption is that my English can’t be good if I’m foreign – even though international students are multilingual and have to nail the designated English test before being accepted to college or university here in the UK.

Zoey Phoon, 23, London

“Where are you really from?”

a selfie of a woman
Dating in 2021: Anita Lo

I frequently get asked “Where are you really from?” and that’s a question that really annoys me. When I do get asked, I tell them I’m from Cheshire, and then almost every date seems displeased with that answer and follows up with: “Where are you really from?”

When I satisfy their curiosity and tell them my parents are Chinese, then they suddenly say “Oh I knew it”, “I could tell” or “You have a Chinese accent”. I’ve never asked a guy several questions about their origins or made assumptions and this instantly puts me off.

Anita Lo, 20s, Cheshire

“So what do you want out of this?”

a photo of a woman in a red dress laughing
Dating in 2021: Rebecca Adams

The one question I hate being asked is: “So what do you want out of this?” I don’t even know what I want for dinner let alone a freaking relationship! Why can’t men (particularly in the UK) just take it slowly and let it happen naturally? They always want to know whether we are dating there and then. Plus, for me, that is a red flag as someone who wants a relationship straight off the bat is a little too clingy for me.

Rebecca Adams, 29, London, host of So This Is Adulting podcast

Images: Getty, Annie Ihonor, Suvanya Niranjan, Zoey Phoon, Anita Lo and Rebecca Adams

Sign up for the latest news and must-read features from Stylist, so you don't miss out on the conversation.

By entering my email I agree to Stylist’s Privacy Policy

Topics

Share this article

Author

Leah Sinclair

Recommended by Leah Sinclair

Life

Have you been soft ghosted? Here’s how to tell

The disappearing act is back with a vengeance.

Posted by
Megan Murray
Published
Workouts

“Why I’d rather go for a run than a drink on a first date”

Are running dates the next big dating trend?

Posted by
Kezia Rice
Published
Dating

How to understand your attachment style and improve your relationships

With advice from clinical psychologist, Dr Soph.

Posted by
Alice Porter
Published
Relationships

What are back-burner relationships and why are they on the rise?

It turns out there’s a reason why we can’t help but stay in contact with some past flames.

Posted by
Amy Beecham
Published