Cates’s words made me feel furious – and my rage feels validating. I’m not confused or struggling to find ‘a good time’. For me, deciding not to have children is part protest – an act of rebellion. I’m on strike. Stop the world burning, fix the NHS, do something about the fact that 4.5 million children in the UK live in poverty, and then we’ll talk.

Globally, reproductive rights are under threat. In 2022, the US supreme court reversed Roe v Wade, a landmark reproductive rights ruling, restricting access to abortion for millions of people. In Niger, the country with the highest birth rate, 76.3% of women aged 20-24 were married before they were 18. Having kids should be a choice, not an obligation. If my nieces and nephews can look at me and see that there are many different ways to contribute to a community and be part of a family, I hope they’ll understand why it’s vital that we work to protect reproductive rights.

In my new novel, Limelight, it was important for me to show that Frankie, the main character, is incredibly close to her sister’s children and a vital part of the wider family support network. Frankie compares herself negatively to her sister in many ways, and she needs to discover that being an aunt is important and that her sister needs her and appreciates her. I think there can be a misconception that women who don’t want to have children aren’t maternal. But we can share that tender, caring love with so many of the people in our lives – our friends, our family and their children. For me, it’s been a source of profound joy to express that love to my nieces and nephews. I’m not burying it. It isn’t reserved for the offspring I’ll never have.

Ultimately, I have chosen not to have children, but becoming an aunt wasn’t a choice. It chooses you. It’s the honour and privilege of my life to watch Rosie and her sister, brother and cousins grow up. I love reading stories and singing songs and having intense conversations about Hey Duggee and Numberblocks. I also love the fact that I’ve created the space I need to learn about my brain, my body and my boundaries. Finally, I’ve made peace with the idea that it isn’t selfish or weird to crave quiet. For once, I think my personal needs coincide with the wider world. In choosing to be childfree, I’ve found the resources to become the best aunt, sister and friend that I can possibly be.

“I thought becoming an aunt would fill me with maternal longing – it was liberating when it didn't”