For Wei, 29, from Manchester, moving cities for work caused friction between her and one of her oldest friends, Sara. “I was thrilled when I was offered a promotion at work involving a move to London,” she said. “I threw myself into the new social life surrounding my job. But I couldn’t understand why Sara kept avoiding my calls and taking days to reply to texts.”

The situation came to a head after a boozy night together. “Sara flipped out at me and started crying,” says Wei. “She said that she felt left behind and like ‘little life’ in Manchester couldn’t compete with my life in London. Life in London was fun, but Sara’s friendship meant the world to me.” While the exchange was awkward, both women were glad it happened. “It enabled us to reaffirm how much we meant to each other.”

Similarly to a promotion, the arrival of a new child, or the beginning of a new relationship, is almost always regarded as a cause for celebration. But changing dynamics among friends at different life stages can also create great division and pain, with potential for individuals to feel ignored or left behind.

“When a friend says they’re pregnant, a kind of grief happens,” says Lily, 35, who is also child-free by choice. “You’re really excited for them, but it’s also like, ‘I’m now going to lose you.’ And it’s really sad.”

Friendships that have once been a major source of support and strength can change dramatically overnight. “Everything immediately becomes about them and their baby, and I understand why that is, but it changes your relationship,” adds Lily. “I’m always expected to go to them, which makes me feel like their time is more precious than mine. I’m expected to meet them at the play park, where they’re completely distracted by their child.”

Lily says that she feels “rude” to even think this way in a culture where having a child continues to be seen as the ultimate realisation of womanhood. “There’s no space to voice these feelings,” she continues. “It feels taboo. So many times I’ve wanted to say, ‘Stop sending me unsolicited pictures of your children.’ I’m sick of being cancelled on at the last minute,” she says.

“I felt left behind”: the loneliness of friends being at different life stages to you