However Mancao argues that we shouldn’t have to force that feeling, nor should we panic if it doesn’t surface when first meeting someone new. Although seeking a spark may be a case of ‘old patterns’ for many people, she says, it’s all right to consciously change tack and give new connections the time they need to gain traction.

In a famous experiment by psychologist Arthur Aron, detailed in the New York Times, it takes 36 questions to fall in love with someone. But the questions Aron lays out go deep, forcing two people to reveal their innermost vulnerabilities to one another in a series of topics that get increasingly personal and potentially awkward.

It would take a brave soul indeed to try this on a first date (maybe the producers for Married At First Sight should take note). But the point is, whatever pop culture tells us, great relationships of any kind – romantic and beyond – are not necessarily built on instant chemistry. Instead, mutual trust and vulnerability are the key to slowly getting to know one another, and developing that sense of closeness may take longer than you think.

Forget that ‘spark’: this therapist’s post is a masterclass on why you should take your time with new relationships