Eager to try it out for myself, I booked in for a session. A few days before our meeting, Danielle’s team emailed over a questionnaire asking about my expectations and my reasons for seeking her help. I explained that I was someone who struggled at times to be vulnerable, and this is something I wanted to address.

For the coaching session, I hopped on the Zoom link Danielle’s PA emailed over to me. I was admittedly a little nervous yet excited to meet the woman whose words I’d been reading for the past month. Welcomed with a bright and friendly smile, I thanked Danielle for the wisdom of her book and immediately her incredibly warm tone and honesty put me at ease as I shared my vulnerability struggle with her.

I shared a specific example – a conversation with a friend I’d been putting off. I had reservations about her recent engagement. We used role play to practise this exchange and Danielle fed back her thoughts and suggestions for improvement, such as opting for more tender and less formal language, leading with reassurance and showing that I cared and valued the friendship so that my friend could feel more secure knowing I’m coming from a genuine place of love.

She also suggested practical phrases, eg ‘I’m nervous telling you because the last thing I would want is for it to impact our friendship.’ These tender phrases let someone know how you feel about the conflict and how well you have thought it through before approaching them. I was also warned about the temptation to use ‘therapy talk’ when having hard conversations with friends. Danielle says: “Sometimes when we have hard conversations, it is so uncomfortable that we start to reach for that sterile, formal language of ‘I thought about it, and I just don’t have the capacity’. We start to speak formally. But that’s not congruent with the context of your friendship.” She emphasises that using language that incorporates your feelings – eg ‘I’m so torn up about it’ – feels more human and relates more to the context of your friendship.

“I hired a friendship coach to help me with hard conversations – this is what she told me”