For me, external closure has been the focus for so long. Yet I haven’t thought too much about the internal side of things, and how this can help us to process our thoughts and move on. I also fall into the trap of approaching closure as if it exists in a binary state – you either have it or you don’t. But Alderson explains that closure lies on a spectrum.

“The phrase ‘having closure’ in everyday conversation implies we’ve reached a point where we are largely at peace with a situation, but that doesn’t mean there won’t be moments where we still feel sadness or anger.” She adds that some life events or relationships are ambiguous and closure in those instances may be more about learning to live with that ambiguity rather than having it neatly tied up.

Weber echoes this sentiment and shares that not all stories in our lives will have a clear ending, and finding that sense of closure might mean chasing after an answer that simply doesn’t exist. “We often confront the rawest parts of our feelings and relationships in this process, unearthing truths that we might not be prepared for, yet are essential for our personal evolution.”

As I prepare for another difficult conversation with Ali, I’ve come to realise that the conversations between us aren’t what’s going to give me that closure or finality – especially after three years of doing the same dance over and over again. I know I need to shift the focus onto myself, pursue an internal closure, and prioritise my own thoughts and feelings instead of searching for answers that perhaps don’t even exist.

*Name has been changed

Image: Adobe

Do you really need closure to move on, or is that a myth that leads to more frustration?