“She kept telling me she didn’t want to label it”

Allie, 32, together with her partner for six months

I’d been with a girl for six months when I realised I had to walk away. We met on an app, and it was going pretty well, but she kept telling me she didn’t want to ‘label it’, even though I really did and was keen for that security. After a big discussion, she told me she fundamentally didn’t believe in monogamy and probably never would – she said she thought it was partly because of her parents’ divorce, and partly because that’s just who she is. It was completely fair enough, but I wish she could have told me from the start. I guess she hadn’t fully realised herself until we reached that moment. It was tough, but in a way I’m glad it happened early on because it confirmed to me what I’m looking for and taught me how to spot the signs. When someone is avoiding that conversation it might be because they don’t know how they feel – about you, yes, but also maybe about their attitude towards relationships in general.

“I begged him to stay with me as I was really struggling with early motherhood”

Rachel, 36, together with her partner for four and a half years

The first sign was him feeling anxious about fatherhood when I was coming towards the end of pregnancy, which he had counselling for. I’d hoped it was just pre-baby jitters. But after our daughter was born, he became distant and I felt very alone. He would often disappear for long periods and be uncontactable. It came to a head when he told me he didn’t love me anymore. I begged him to stay with me as I was really struggling with early motherhood. A few weeks later, he disappeared again. In a panic, I confided in his mother, who was horrified and reached out to him. After they spoke on the phone, she texted me and told me she was sorry, but it sounded as if his mind was made up and that he’d been feeling this way for a long time. That was the moment I realised the relationship wasn’t salvageable or fixable.

“Someone else asked me out for a drink, and I discovered I wanted to go”

Ellie, 31, together with her partner for two years

I knew my relationship of two years was over when I started messaging a musician I’d had a crush on for years. When they asked me out for a drink I decided to break up with my then-boyfriend because a) I wanted to go and b) I wanted something to happen between us (I never have and never will cheat). My boyfriend hadn’t been the best boyfriend, let’s say – we had broken up a couple times before – but there had been love there once. Ultimately, though, the feeling I got messaging the musician – the excitement, the possibility – confirmed it was fully over.

*All names have been changed

“My spidey-senses were tingling”: 5 women on the moment they knew their relationship was over