If you can avoid carrying unresolved tension into the next day, this is a more desirable outcome. “Wanting to make up before the day is over can reduce harm when the conflict is manageable, but unfortunately, not all issues can be so tidily sorted out,” says Fox-Weber. In fact, she says that rushing to resolve a dispute just for the sake of ‘not going to bed angry’ can lead to shallow compromises rather than real understanding.

“If emotions are running too high for a productive conversation, forcing a resolution can backfire,” says Fox-Weber. “Sometimes, taking space and getting rest can allow for a more thoughtful, less reactive discussion the next day.”

There are some tell-tale ways to spot if an argument might benefit from some overnight rumination, such as when exhaustion is clouding judgment, when emotions become too heightened for a fair conversation or when you’re going in circles, simply repeating the same points without progress. “I also feel strongly that if either or both people aren’t sober, it’s best to pause and resume conversation when you’re both clear-headed,” adds Fox-Weber.

But what happens when we go to sleep with unresolved conflict in the air?

We know that when we sleep, the brain uses this time to organise and process all the information it has taken in during the day. “Scientists have shown that we consolidate memories as we sleep,” explains neuroscientist Amy Arnsten. This is how we learn from our experiences.

Additionally, the prefrontal cortex – the part of the brain that’s responsible for decision-making, reasoning, maintaining social appropriateness and other complex cognitive behaviours – is impaired by fatigue. “Sleep helps the prefrontal cortex to be in a more optimal state, and that gives us better judgment and perspective,” says Arnsten. This is why you’re more likely to think the worst of a situation late at night and why you’ll often feel like you can see things more clearly in the morning after a good night’s sleep.

Is going to bed on an argument really that bad? Experts weigh in