What is limerence?

The term was coined by psychologist Dorothy Tennov, who first came up with the idea and described it in her book Love And Limerence.

“The word describes a powerful and strong romantic feeling towards another individual and is often characterised by intense and obsessive thoughts as well as a search for reciprocation,” Dr Emily May, a relationship therapist, tells Stylist.

After interviewing 500 people and finding they all experienced this obsessive form of love Tennov found a number of common symptoms: intrusive thinking, an aching in the heart, an acute sensitivity to any act or thought that can be interpreted favourably, fear of rejection and unsettling shyness in their presence, intensification through adversity and a disregard for all other concerns. She also noticed “a remarkable ability to emphasise what is truly admirable and avoid dwelling on the negative”. In other words, you are rendered spellbound by the other person – often, regardless of what they may do (or what red flags they may be waving).

Limerence goes beyond a crush, but it isn’t the same thing as love. “Contrary to crushes, lust and sexual attraction, limerence is much more complex and one person has a deep emotional attachment to the other and feels distress and euphoria whether this is reciprocated. More than just an emotional state, limerence can become a powerful psychological condition.”

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