Stylist Magazine: marriage special

“Marriage never interested me until I realised I was a lesbian”

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For Paula Akpan (left), 27, marriage felt like an abstract concept that was doomed to fail – until she began dating women.

I wasn’t interested in getting married growing up. I’ve watched too many marriages, including that of my parents, crumble and others turn into something incredibly unhealthy for both the couple and the people around them. Whenever I thought of marriage, especially before I realised that I was a lesbian, it was some sort of blurry abstract that was doomed to fail.

While I couldn’t put my finger on it, there was something about it that terrified me. Then I met my fiancée, a woman, and things changed. I have never felt that fear with her and after we got together, the blurriness swirling around marriage sharpened. While marriage itself still doesn’t mean a great deal to me, I now see a wedding as an opportunity to celebrate and share our love with our loved ones. More than that, there’s an element of practicality – if we decide to foster or adopt, being married will, unfortunately, strengthen our case.

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