The duality of living in a society that accepts separation, but being bound by cultural norms that don’t, is something Farhana says many women grapple with. “Knowing how shocked, surprised and disappointed other people would be is what stopped me from sharing for so long,” she says. “I kept thinking: What if we can make it work? What if I can fix it before anyone has to find out?”

After years of struggling, when Farhana accepted the relationship wasn’t going to work, she turned to her sister first before eventually sharing the truth with her parents. “I did it in stages. At first, I hinted that we were having problems and that things were getting more difficult. But then I had to just come out and admit that my marriage was over and I wasn’t going to change my mind about leaving.” Their reaction wasn’t as devastating as she had expected: “They didn’t cut me off but they did try to convince me to stay.” The lying still took a heavy mental toll. “I was living with so much fear,” she says. “It was this awful limbo of going through something truly traumatic but not feeling able to say anything or let anyone know that there was something wrong.”

While the experience isn’t one she’d like to repeat, Farhana says that there was a small silver lining: a greater sense of conviction. “By the time I did tell them, I was confident that the split was happening for the right reasons and I was able to handle their criticism and advocate for myself against it,” she says.

We’re in the era of ‘quiet breakups’ – here’s why everyone’s keeping their split a secret