Romanticising hurt-filled love affairs that haven’t quite worked out has been the predilection of writers and filmmakers throughout history. In every era of popular culture, the draw of the fated lovers is inescapable, whether they’re good for one another or not. You could be reading Wuthering Heights for the 10th time, watching Casablanca or be knee-deep in your umpteenth viewing of La La Land. Toxicity, bad timing and ‘if onlys’ reign supreme.

It’s perhaps no wonder, then, that these tropes have infiltrated our relationship expectations in a big way. So much so that multiple Reddit threads exist trying to make sense of whether anyone can really be the right person at the wrong time. But, as a 2018 research paper on Commitment Readiness and Relationship Formation points out, this romantic conundrum has more to do with ‘readiness’ than how perfect a match your potential partner might be.

In short, if you aren’t ready for commitment or emotionally available to your partner, it doesn’t matter how right for you they are. You aren’t right enough for them.

Rose-tinted glasses aside, other things crop up in our lives that change our perspective on our partners, such as leaning into our sexuality, identity and self-esteem. The truth is, change – whether personal or circumstantial – can alter a relationship. It can make a once-perfect relationship feel stagnant and smothering.

Is there such a thing as ‘right person, wrong time’ or is it just an excuse?