Schedule in chats about sex

“Talking to your partner about sex outside of sex is a good idea, not just trying to jump into it as you’re about to have sex or have just had sex,” says Moyle. “But also understand that, if you’ve decided you want to talk to your partner about sex and it’s something you’ve never really done together before, you shouldn’t expect them to have an open response straight away with no warning. Give them a chance. Say to them: ‘I’ve been thinking it would be a good idea for us to talk about sex? Is there going to be a good time for it?’ If one person has an idea in their head and then the partner doesn’t meet them where they’re at, we might think there’s a problem. But one of your partner’s sexual scripts might be that we shouldn’t have to talk about sex unless there’s a problem. Giving your partner a heads up that a conversation is coming may help them to see it not as a criticism.”

Get (and stay) curious

“Once we start to expand our learning and knowledge around sex, we realise there’s so much more to learn,” says Moyle. “We also realise that a lot of the scripts we’ve learned over the years haven’t been updated for a very long time. It’s only when we’re open and curious that we can start to get out of the prescriptive messaging many of us have experienced around sex. I tell people to do it at their own pace, but fundamentally, it’s about working out what good sex looks like for you. The main thing is that this will look different for everyone.”

According to therapists, everyone has a sexual script. Here are the 4 simple ways to understand yours better (and improve your sex life)