So what is a narcissist and what’s narcissistic behaviour? Davies writes in her book that “narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a cluster B psychiatric condition as defined in the DSM (Diagnostic And Statistical Manual Of Mental Disorders; 2013)”. She explains: “NPD is characterised by long-term patterns of behaviour and attitudes that centre around self-importance, disregard for others, a pathological need for admiration together with a distinct lack of empathy.”

Key features of narcissistic personality disorder include:

A strong sense of grandiosity with expectations of special treatment from others or institutions
Core issues of personal identity: narcissists need constant positive regard and feedback, admiration and worship from others in order to regulate their self-esteem and sense of self
Displays of selfish and self-seeking actions and behaviours
Arrogance
Anxiety
Poor self-esteem and deep-seated insecurity, overcompensated with arrogance, haughty, belittling or judgmental behaviours or comments
Preoccupation with ideas and fantasies about success, power, wealth, love, brilliance or looks and image

If someone is ticking off several of these characteristics, they could be a narcissist. But narcissistic personality disorder is a mental health condition that needs to be diagnosed by a professional. We probably shouldn’t be looking at the bad behaviour of our exes and rushing to judge them as narcissists.

Davis first started specialising in narcissistic abuse 10 years ago and the term was essentially unheard of back then. “You’d have to really dig around to get any information about it,” she says.

Sure, your ex sucked, but that doesn’t necessarily make them a narcissist – here’s how to spot one