Yes, that would be awful. But let’s go from the top. I won’t berate you for stalking your boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend on social media because show me one millennial who hasn’t done this. Sometimes I find myself stalking everyone I’ve ever had a crush on (as an Aries, let me tell you the tally is high) and the partners they now find themselves with.

These sessions land me so deep in a stalking hole that by the time I pull myself out, I feel as if I could write an entire biography on someone I’ve never even met. I’ve studied their faces, bodies, holidays and friendship groups. Why do I launch into MI5 stealth mode? Nosiness-led boredom or, as I like to justify it, inherent journalistic curiosity. But I must admit, these stalking binges take place when I’m not feeling great about myself (and I feel even worse when I’ve accidentally liked and then unliked a post from a year ago. Just the thought of it makes me want to vomit). It’s here that I seek some kind of perverted comfort in comparison, but really, there is never any comfort to be found.

Ask Billie: “Should I cancel an event that my boyfriend’s ex is going to?”