Once upon a time, I was the other woman.

After the deed was done, the guy in question faced zero repercussions; he emerged unscathed, while I was cast as the villain. All the more galling was the fact that he had been the one to pursue me. One by one, every single person in our friendship group cut ties with me. My flatmates didn’t speak to me for two agonising months, and eventually, I lost every single friend I had. Even today, the man in question is still at the heart of the friendship group, which remains fully intact. The only difference being: my status in that circle of uni pals was brought to an abrupt end right there and then.

A lot has happened in the 14 years since I made a mistake that upturned my entire life, but one thing that remains entirely the same is society’s vilification of ‘the mistress’ in heterosexual affairs. This past year has seen the internet turn on the ‘other woman’ repeatedly when alleged celebrity affairs have hit the headlines – from Ariana Grande and her Wicked co-star Ethan Slater to Maroon 5 frontman Adam Levine’s and Instagram model Sumner Stroh. At the time, Stroh posted a video to TikTok summarising her version of what happened: “I was having an affair with a man who’s married to a Victoria’s Secret model. At the time I was young, I was naive. I mean, quite frankly, I feel exploited.” Stroh went on to post the receipts – screenshots of messages from Levine. “It is truly unreal how fucking hot you are,” one such message read.

Levine denied having an affair but acknowledged that he “crossed a line during a regrettable period in my life”, and called his actions “inappropriate”.

“I was the ‘other woman’. Here’s why the trope is as harmful and misogynistic as ever”