I recently read/skimmed/only saw the headline and immediately screenshotted it to post on Insta an article titled, ‘He sent me 40 Valentine’s cards with all the different things he loved about me.’ Excuse me while I’m sick on my keyboard.

Disgusted, I chucked it on my IG story with a massive vomit emoji (yes, all of my social media output is this sophisticated) and discovered I’m not alone in my cynicism. The comments I received were all along the lines of ‘that’s called love bombing’ or ‘sounds like harassment’ and my personal favourite ‘…and then he strangled my cat’.

The darker connotations of this man’s actions aside, this kind of over-the-top outpouring of ‘love’ made our stomachs churn. Partly because we are British and the happiness of others makes us uncomfortable and sad, but also because anyone that has been in a long-term relationship knows it’s just not realistic or sustainable, and it’s just a product of years of fairytale and romcom conditioning.

In a heteronormative relationship (which I am in) the man/handsome prince/Matthew McConaughey is pressured to deliver some huge romantic gesture to prove how much he loves the woman, who sits and looks pretty while she waits for this confirmation. The damsel is in need of saving and the only thing that can save her is a man. Wake up, Sleeping Beauty! There is a strange man in your bedroom with a box of chocolates and a semi… My point is that this stuff is not actually romantic; it’s just social programming masquerading as romance.

Comedian Lily Phillips on the hilarious (and unsexy) reality of Valentine’s Day in a long-term relationship