This approach feels good for a while but, in my experience, weighty feelings inevitably eventually catch up with you. So why does grief after a breakup often take so long to hit us? “Whether we did the breaking up or someone ended things with us, we can be in a form of shock following a breakup,” says Ross. “This takes a while to ease, and only then do we start to feel more complex, tangible feelings around the breakup.”

According to senior therapist Sally Baker, delayed grief can also be a kind of subconscious protection strategy for people who don’t feel ready for another romantic connection. “It’s impossible to feel like you want to find a new partner when you’re absorbed by sadness and don’t let yourself go through the grieving process completely,” she says. “Trauma from breakups can stop some people in their tracks for years and needs to be cleared before they resume dating.”

As for the best way to cope with delayed grief, Ross says that it’s important to be kind to ourselves. “Breakups help us take stock of where we’ve got to and how we got there; realise that we have changed, time has passed, life has moved on. But they can also be incredibly painful,” he says. “Lean into being self compassionate, and be open to whatever emotion comes up by letting it wash over you. This gives you an opportunity to understand yourself better, too – how you function in the throes of the breakup.” Ross adds that therapy can be useful for many people after a breakup, as it’s often helpful to discuss your feelings with a professional.

“It took months for me to realise how unhappy I was after my breakup – here’s how experts told me to deal with the delayed grief”