Whether you're looking to slip between the sheets in Aphrodite's boudoir, Byron's lair, or er, Christian's playroom, Britain has a range of avant-garde hotels diverse enough to satisfy everyone's needs.
From sizzling treehouses to racy seaside retreats, take a peek at 30 UK getaways that deserve a "Do Not Disturb" sign nailed to the door.
Let us know which hotel you fancy, or the sexiest place you've stayed in the UK, on Twitter or in the comments section below.
Words: Anna Pollitt. Pictures: hotels own, i-escape, mrandmrssmith, canopyandstars
Crazy Bear, Beaconsfield
Unleash your inner exhibitionist at the world-famous Crazy Bear, a rock star-meets-Moulin Rouge getaway brazenly located in ultra-conservative Beaconsfield. A decadent fantasy-fest boasting sensory delights throughout each of its individually designed suites, expect opulence and gothic glamour.
Crazy Bear, Beaconsfield, double rooms from £190 per night for non-members
W Hotel, London
If minimalist futuristic interiors and high-tech toys turn you on, the EWOW suite in Leicester Square's W Hotel is most definitely the destination du jour. The £5,000-a-night suite offers a rotating leather Chesterfield sofa, Jacuzzi bathtub and four-person shower and the latest in-room entertainment (that's a 62-inch plasma, in case you get the wrong idea.)
The EWOW suite, London, from £5,000 per day
The Witchery, Edinburgh
Indulge your vampire fantasies at Edinburgh's ridiculously luxurious Witchery by the Castle, a world-famous gothic hideaway that's home to eight individually decorated suites, each as opulent as the next. A bottle of Champagne is included in the suite cost, naturally.
The Witchery, Edinburgh, suites from £325 per night. Be warned: suites are difficult to get hold of so it's best to book in advance.
The Hempel, London
Named after it's celebrated designer, Anouska Hempel, this "intimate hideaway" is geared towards minimimalist design and with a suite called the Lioness's Den, you can guess that free wi-fi is not its big selling point. The suggestively named room features a bed suspended from the ceiling, surrounded by softly lit sleek steel bars.
The Lioness Suite, London, from £339 a night
No.11 Cadogan Gardens, London
Smouldering with romantic potential, No. 11 Cadogan Gardens is a charming, if somewhat hidden, gem in London's upmarket Chelsea. Describing itself as a "home-from-home for aristocrats, politicians and celebrities" we can see why the Velazquez Suite, pictured, might be a magnet for lovestruck VIPs.
No. 11 Cadogan Gardens, rooms from £255 per night
A giant freestanding bubblebath in front of stunning sea views inside an elegantly decorated super kingsize bedroom. What more could you ask for a dirty weekend?
Drakes, Brighton, double rooms from £155 per night
The Grove, Hertfordshire
If rose petals, soft lights, chiffon drapes and countryside views get you in the mood, head to Hertfordshire's The Grove hotel for "opulent and downright playful" suites that overlook 300 acres of 'shire countryside.
The Grove, Hertfordshire, double rooms from £350 per night
Castle Cottage, West Sussex
Satisfy outdoor aspirations without the splinters at The Tree House in West Sussex - yes that would be a luxury bedroom suite built into a chestnut tree.
Guests can go wild on a leopard-print covered double bed encased between two huge tree branches while the large balcony with swing seats "makes for a very special experience" the hotel promises.
Castle Cottage, Fittleworth, The Treehouse from £150 per night
Le Manoir, Great Milton
Raymond Blanc is best known as a chef but he's also dished up seriously sexy hotel rooms at his Oxfordshire hotel and restaurant, Le Manoir.
Each room was created by French-born Blanc, who counts the Opium Suite, pictured, among his personal favourites.
Le Manoir, Great Milton, double rooms from £515 per night
Babington House, Somerset
Built on 18 acres of Somerset greenery, Babington House is the quintessential romantic English getaway - four poster, chandelier and fluffy cushions included.
Babington House, Somerset, rooms from £300 per night
The Gore Hotel, London
The delightfully named Judy Garland room is the glitzy jewel in The Gore's crown. Complete with a chariot-riding goddess of love bathroom frieze, ornate gold headboard and...wait for it... red and gold drapes that once belonged to Ms. Garland herself.
Though some amorous guests may understandably prefer to strike the dead-celebrity's-old-curtains part from their mind.
The Gore, London, double rooms from £250 per night
Fort Clonque, Alderney
For a truly private getaway, lock yourselves away in Britain's most picturesque military installation, Alderney's Fort Clonque.
Fort Clonque, Alderney, available from £917 for four nights
Number Thirty Eight, Bristol
If you want to get amorous in a stylish and understated setting, head to Bristol's Number Thirty Eight, where the sleek and earthy decor is punctuated by cityscape views and vivid artwork.
Number Thirty Eight, Bristol, double rooms from £105 per night.
For more information and bookings visit www.i-escape.com
Kesgrave Hall, Suffolk
This grand Suffolk hotel residence not only offers bold animal print sofas and provocatively placed bathtubs inside its sharp suites - the 200-year-old building is also a favourite of arguably the sexiest royal - Prince Harry.
Kesgrave Hall, Suffolk, double rooms from £310 for two nights
One of the sexiest hotel chains in the UK, Malmaison pulled out all the stops for its Belfast build. With huge beds and mood-lit multi-level suites, you won't find any time to wonder about tea-making facilities and trouser presses.
Malmaison, Belfast, double rooms from £79 per night.
The Treehouse at Harptree Court, Bristol
Forget insect bites and high winds, get back to nature at Bristol's sky-high bolthole The Treehouse, where you can luxuriate in a copper bath, watch the sunset on the veranda, or warm up in front of the wood-burner.
The Treehouse at Harptree Court, Bristol, from £490 for two nights
See www.canopyandstars.co.uk for more luxury camping destinations
Cliff Barns, Norfolk
Described as a "rancho-deluxe country house home-tel" Cliff Barns in secluded North Norfolk succeeds in mixing Western kitsch with quaint barn conversion for an adult party destination that features a heated garden teepee and its own private beach.
Cliff Barns, Norfolk, from £3,290 for three nights
The Hundred House Hotel, Shropshire
Antique wooden bed frames, lavish purple bed throws and chandeliers aren't the only alluring features of The Hundred House Hotel, its Anjelica bedroom boasts a fully functional red velvet swing.
The Hundred House Hotel, Telford, double rooms from £79 per night
Hotel Pelirocco, Brighton
No Sexy Hotels list should exist without Hotel Pelirocco, Brighton's self-proclaimed "sauciest stopover".
Featuring Austin Powers-style circular beds, poles and ceiling mirrors, its 19 titillating bedrooms are themed around "pop culture, visionary artists, musicians and inspired individuals".
Hotel Pelirocco, Brighton, The Playroom, from £245 per night
Lucknam Park, Bath
Pop your Champagne corks on Lucknam Park's gigantic four-poster beds, just don't swing from its delicately strung chandeliers.
Lucknam Park, Bath, double rooms from £195 per night
The Lowry, Manchester
If music be the food of love... The Lowry in Manchester offers a grand piano in its spectacular Charles Forte Suite.
The Lowry, Manchester, double rooms from £134 per night
The Portobello, London
With heart shaped beds, ceiling-to-floor drapes and antique bathtubs, it's easy to see why actors, models, rock stars and writers frequent this exclusive and eccentric Notting Hill hotel, housed in a converted neo-classical mansion.
The Portobello, London, double rooms from £195 per night
The Grovesnor, London
The Cora Pearl Suite at London's Grosvnor Hotel is named after a famous courtesan, at one point the toast of Paris with several wealthy lovers. In the 1870s she visited London and booked a suite at The Grovesnor (we won't say who she was visiting, but Buckingham Palace is very close by). The hotel refused her entry. They've made up for it now though, the suite that bears Cora's name has a beautiful free-standing bath, a chaise lounge and is decorated to look like a boudoir.
The Cora Pearl Package, including cocktails and a seven-course dinner, is priced at £1862 for two people over two nights.
The Scarlet, Cornwall
With an adults-only policy, funky decor and uninterrupted views of Cornwall's Mawgan Porth beach, The Scarlet is perfectly placed for a romantic escape a deux. Grab some champagne and book into one of the outdoor log-fired baths overlooking the ocean or head to one of the private roof top lounges that spiral off the hotel's "unique" series of rooms, complete with enormous beds and individual gardens.
The Scarlet, double rooms with breakfast from £190 per night
Plas Rhianfa, Wales
This Grade II listed Loire Valley-style chateau boasts all the crucial ingredients for a passionate weekend away. Overlooking the Menai Strait on Anglesey and set against the backdrop of the Snowdonia mountains, it comes with stunning scenery and its own private beach and jetty for guests to arrive in style - plus it's new, so you can wow your other half before all the rest.
Plas Rhianfa, Clarenco.com, opening packages available from £270 for a two night break on a half board (dinner, b&b) basis