Happily, the W’s second restaurant The Duchess – housed in an impressive former bank with giant chandeliers – serves knock-out food. The sharing plate mains are grown up (king crab; spaghetti with caviar), and the ‘chocolate explosion’ dessert a masterpiece where liquid nitrogen cracks open a chocolate shell to reveal a mass of chocolate mousse, truffles and more cacao treats. It had me at hello.

Further afield of The Nine Streets, foodies have plenty of reasons to do a heel-kick. Number one being Restaurant De Kas, a former nursery in parkland with a very instagrammable glass-framed conservatory, whose four-course set menu is a delicious way to waste an afternoon.

For casual eating, De Hallen food market has iberico ham counters, flambé huts, a gin and tonic bar and more. The venue hosts a local market every fortnight too, enabling you to fill your boots then browse local art. Handily, the Vondelpark is nearby – a metabolism-boosting walk en route to the museum quarter.

On our last day we walked so much it felt like we’d lapped the city’s 100km of canals; past floating houseboats and railings six bicycles deep and on to De Pijp – an eclectic neighbourhood offering a bit of everything. Think Twenties movie theatre Rialto, beer hotspot Brouwerij, concept stores Misuse and Hutspot, and The Fragrance Store boasting scents with notes of champagne (yum). Albert Cuyp, usually host to Holland’s busiest market, was dead (Sunday) but renowned burger joint The Butcher was still open to cheer us up. We queued uncomfortably (it’s tiny), ate quickly (it’s tiny), then retreated to the more welcoming beanbags of Coffee and Coconut, a deli where locals while away the weekend. No space cakes. No penis sculptures. Hallelujah.

Escape routes: lap up food and culture in Amsterdam