So I’m signed up to various detox treatments to get my body to shed unwanted toxins. These include the SHA Detox Massage which is lymphatic drainage via cupping (I now know what it would be like to try one of those silent Scientology births), a magnesium bath and a deep tissue massage by a man named Joan whom I’d marry if only he’d have me.

An appointment with the acupuncturist is particularly eye-opening as she reveals that, according to the 24-hour cycle of Chinese medicine, 3am-4am wake-ups are associated with anger and sadness and stress in the liver and lungs (hence the detox programme); she encourages me to open up my body’s blocked channels using her needles. Similarly, in a one-on-one yoga class, the instructor teaches me a viniyoga practice for when insomnia strikes that’s all about the breath and using the intercostal muscles that surround the lungs by expanding them backwards and sideways – breath is the thing that’ll get you back to sleep.

On the last evening, I’m sent for a neurocognitive assessment with a doctor who grills me about my life (from my libido to work). He suggests he place a skull cap on my head for some transcranial electrical stimulation to kickstart my prefrontal cortex (the brain centre of emotional responses) which he believes will counteract my nightly anxious thoughts and overactive brain. Lying under a blanket for 30 minutes with a strange tapping sensation on my head, my mind wanders to bizarre childhood memories and I leave his office strangely giggling to myself.

Back in my room that night I walk barefoot as prescribed, turn out the light by 10.30pm and place my head on the medium pillow. I feel positive, like something in my mind has turned a corner; that quality sleep isn’t totally elusive, I just need to give my brain the chance to switch off and my body will follow. I close my eyes and a perfect eight hours later I awake rested and calm. 3am has totally passed me by…

Room-only rates at SHA Wellness Clinic start from €330 (£278) for a Deluxe Suite and rates for a focused Sleep Recovery Programme start from €4,000 (£3,374) for seven days; shawellnessclinic.com

Images: courtesy of SHA Wellness Clinic; writer’s own

Find the sleep of your dreams at a spa on the Costa Blanca