I was one of those little girls who dreamed of their wedding day almost daily: the beautiful dress, the idyllic location covered in flowers, the adoring partner waiting for me at the end of the aisle.

As I got older, I had the timings all planned out. I’d be engaged at 26, married at 28, have babies at 30. I convinced myself that this was my ultimate path to happiness, and with my idealistic dream, I fell headfirst into the classic patriarchal cliché. I pinned my self-esteem on finding a partner, and bar a few minor timing issues (I didn’t get engaged until I was 27), it all shaped up nicely.

I’d always thought I wanted a very traditional wedding and, as I walked down the aisle – on my father’s arm, naturally – I breathed a sigh of relief. I’d finally got there. And, admittedly, the day itself really was beautiful.

But as the years have gone by, I’ve made a U-turn on many of my opinions about weddings and marriage. As a result, I have some conflicting feelings about our ‘big day’. I’m increasingly uncomfortable with the parts I felt we should include, rather than ones we wanted to. And when I tell my children about our wedding, I’m surprised by how traditional – and unaligned with my feminist values – it now seems.

At the time, I reasoned that I had to go along with what would make other people happy, but there were some relatives at my wedding that I’d never even met (and haven’t seen since). My husband and I both wish we’d been more confident in sticking to our guns on that one, as well as several other issues.

“I got married 16 years ago and I’m still thinking about my wedding regrets. Here’s what I wish I’d done differently”